As someone nearing 50, I’ve noticed an increase in the number of divorces and unhappy marriages among peers, and former clients whose weddings I attended.  I’ve been shooting weddings for a long time.

I don’t live in a glass house, either and I sought out answers.  Why does it seem harder to stay married in your 40s than at any other time in your life?

I’ve found three that align with my experiences and what I’ve heard from others.   Maybe these will answer some of your questions or offer insight into the unique challenges you’re facing.

And if you’re younger, it can serve as a roadmap on what to avoid

The Financial Dynamics of Marriage

A 2023 study by the University of Chicago found that marriages where the wife earns more than the husband are 50% more likely to end in divorce.  And we’re not even talking double the salary, even a $5,000 difference in salary increases the risk of divorce.

Unfortunately, gender roles are still a thing. The husband may feel shame of not earning as much as his wife or the wife can feel her husband is inadequate because he earns less. Either way, it’s arbitrary, and scoring a little better job should not sink a marriage.

Supporting a spouse so they have the room and support to obtain a better-paying job should be a goal for each partner.  This dynamic does not happen alone.

Friendship in Marriage:

According to a study conducted by the National Bureau of Economic Research (NBER). there is a significant difference in how married men and women perceive their relationship with their spouses.

The study found that 64% of married men consider their spouse their best friend, compared to 48% of married women.   This is kinda a big deal.  More often than not, men look to their wives as their number one confidant and support system,  while women do not.

This difference in perception leads to unmet emotional needs and expectations within the marriage. Over time, this disconnect can contribute to marital unhappiness and, eventually, divorce.

The Impact of Menopause on Marital Stability

I know nothing about this but have heard this statistic on more than one relationship podcast.  Menopause is a critical factor influencing divorce rates among middle-aged couples.

Research from The Family Law Menopause Project and Newson Health Research and Education highlights the profound impact of menopause on relationships. According to their survey, 73% of women blamed menopause for the breakdown of their marriage, with 67% stating it increased domestic abuse and arguments.

That number is truly insane.

With the onset of perimenopause in the mid-40s, the average age of menopause at 51 and the peak time of divorce being between ages 45 and 55, these results highlight the need for awareness and have been released, to open the conversation, offer advice, and encourage women to seek help and support.

 

Only about 20% of women sought support to discuss menopause during their relationship breakdown. This shows a big gap in communication and understanding that needs to be addressed. As a man in that age group, men don’t understand or talk about menopause at all.

So, why are we seeing more divorces among people in their 40s and 50s? Well, it’s a mix of changing financial dynamics, emotional disconnect, and the impact of menopause. By understanding these factors, couples can actually game-plan ways to strengthen their marriages and defeat the threat of divorce